Let's Talk About Dean Koontz: Part 2

Koontz is an incredibly prolific writer, and much of that prolificacy comes from the fact that he draws his stories from common wells. Not to say his stories are all the same; only a handful seem truly repetitious (and if he tends to a certain plot, there are only a handful of those anyway).

Most of what he pulls from these wells just make up the skin of the story: setting, description, and minor sub-plots. They go more into his style or voice more than anything. So study this if you ever intend to write Koontz fan-fic (Kind of like how you should master a lexicon of words like cyclopean and eldritch if you want to impersonate Lovecraft. And don't forget the archaic spellings.... Stay tuned for a Lovecraft Lexicon in the future.)

So without further ado, here's the list of common Koontzisms (in no particular order).

1. Bougainvillea -- Probably Koontz's favorite flower. The only book I can think of without it is Icebound. And I only think it doesn't have bougainvillea because it's set in Antarctica, but there's probably some flashback or Denouement Picnic (see below) with it languidly climbing a trellis.

2. Dogs -- Koontz loves him his dogs. There are a few books without them (usually really old ones), but everything modern has them (most notable was The Darkest Evening of the Year, which was his love note to his beloved Golden Retriever, Trixie, who was dying at the time he wrote it). 75% of the Dogs in Koontz will be Goldens, 20% will be Labs, and all other breeds have to fight over the remaining 5% (statistics made up on the spot).

3. .38 Chief's Special -- The weapon of choice for a Koontz hero. They'll occasionally use others and will sometimes hit the black market for illegally modified uzi's and shotguns when the Nazis are coming.

4. Chinos and Rockports -- the standard-issue uniform for a Koontz hero. So common, I've begun to wonder if he has some kind of endorsement deal.

5. Unusual Similes -- Koontz uses similes like salt. After reading his stuff, you'll never have to worry about your thyroid, but you might want a gallon of fresh water. (Extended enough?)

6. Koontz's Law of Character Backstories -- Every character in a Koontz novel must come from a horrific background. If a hero's parent is dead, that parent committed suicide. In front of the hero. After telling him it's all his fault. Think about the worst possible things you can think of happening to a kid without killing him. Somewhere, that is the backstory of a Koontz hero(ine).

7. Denouement Picnic -- Most characters in Koontz's novels survive. They will gather at the end (with their various dogs) a year or so after the climax, usually for some kind of picnic or barbecue.

8. Criticism of Modern Society -- The world is going to hell, and it's the fault of those damned hippies. Koontz's characters tend to have personal creeds against the permissive trends of society and will fight against it symbolically in the climax.

9. Short Climaxes -- Most villains consider themselves to be gods, and Koontz ratchets up the tension with their immense powers, but the go down like punks. One bullet will usually do it. Basically the opposite of Roger Ebert's law of multiple villain deaths. Interesting thing is that it never really feels anticlimactic.

10. Rich Characters -- Koontz's characters are almost always self-sufficient. If they're not, their rich uncle will kick off in act 1 and leave them a sizeable inheritance. They never have ransom money, but they usually have anywhere from ten to fifty grand sitting around that they can use to buy illegally modified automatics, chief's specials, and H&K shotguns in act 2. The exception is Odd Thomas, who never seems to need money.

Well, those are the ten most obvious, but there's a ton more. What did I miss? Tell me in the comments.